Fighting Dreamers
by wingsofseyfert12
Summary: Honoka's life has gone into a downward spiral since she quit Muse. Yet through the fog of regret and anger there is still light. Will Honoka snap out of it or will she descend into self-destruction?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own "Love Live" nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: I have been completely and totally addicted to this anime for the better part of the New Year. Anyway this is a story concept I had thought about when re-watching the series and it is an alternate telling of episode 12 where Honoka quits Muse. Enjoy.

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Honoka stared blankly at her computer screen as the images of various idols danced before her like fairies in an electric Eden. She had been sitting in her room all day with a dirty, smelly blanket draped over her shoulders. Her room was dark with the only source of light coming from the computer screen.

Packets of various snacks littered the ground as the empty strawberry juice cans lay like exposed landmines. A fortress of soda cans adorned the table which sat her computer. The reflection of the idols danced in mesmerizing synchronization to each other. Posters of various Idol groups such as _A-Rise_ held a monopoly on the spaces of the walls.

It was a prison, a manifestation of the destructive idolatry that Honoka had succumbed to.

Today was the biggest competition of the professional idol circuit, the Love Live Pro Tour, where Idols from all over the country congregated in a battle of glittering lights and dance regiments. It was here that they would bare their souls to all those who cared to watch them, to bask in the wonderment of their fans' adulation. They did not set out to cure cancer, or promote world peace or even address the political issues that were ravaging their country.

Instead they chose to sing about what moved them as humans with each idol becoming her very own Siren; a voice that harkened towards that heavenly glory which had long since been lost to humanity since the days of Adam. It was here that their fans could forget their burdens and to simply enjoy the show before them. Once it was all over the fans could go back to the sordid grind of their lives, whether they were fishermen, construction workers, doctors or teachers. Their outlook would be more positive and they would have the heart to continue their struggle for survival.

Honoka chose to no longer struggle.

Instead she quit because she did not have the heart to continue struggling.

It had been five years since she had quit _Muse_ and she had regretted that decision ever since. Kotori had moved to France when she was accepted as a student at a prestigious fashion design school. Now she was working for _Hermes_ designing clothes at the European market. Honoka had not spoken to her since she left.

Eli went to school at Moscow University and was now teaching as a private ballet instructor. Nozomi had followed her best friend to Russia where it was later revealed that they were dating. Funny enough this did not come as a surprise to Honoka though her own opinions regarding same sex relationships were nebulous.

Then there was Umi.

Umi had once been Honoka's best friend but had not spoken to her since they graduated high school. Honoka harbored a simmering, deep seeded anger towards Umi for abandoning her all for quitting their high school idol group.

Was that truly the summation of their friendship? To be broken apart by something as inconsequential and petty as a school idol group? At least that was what Honoka tried to justify it as. However she couldn't help feeling that she would have been just as upset had it been the other way around. But Honoka did not want to think about that.

The crowd roared in excitement inside of Honoka's computer screen interrupting her from her thoughts. She turned her tired eyes over and was then jolted awake when she saw who was next to perform.

It was _Nico Nico Constellation._

The idol group consisted of Honoka's former classmates though Honoka could barely recognize them.

There was Maki, who expressed her desire to continue writing music and become an Idol when she graduated high school to her parents. Surprisingly enough both her parents gave her their blessings and opened their hospital business to the Japanese market where their stakes could be bought by potential shareholders and investors. It would mean an end to the Nishinko dynasty in the healthcare business but that didn't matter to them as long as their daughter was happy.

So she stood on stage radiating a regal, mature aura that reminded Honoka like a queen of old fairy tales. It was amazing just how beautiful she had become.

Hanayo too had matured. She stood on stage with a strong willed confidence and yet still exuded the neotenic cuteness that she was well known for. Her hair, a light green, shimmered brilliantly against the sparkling lights of the stage.

Rin was also there, still tomboyish and with short hair but was amazingly fit with lean muscles that looked like steel wire.

However the most amazing of all was Nico herself.

Once a social shut in who hardly took the time to care for herself she now stood apart from her peers. There was a magnetic aura about her which attracted the attention of her beloved and she spoke with a voice that would make Diana proud.

 _Nico Nico Constellation_ had come in second place for the past three years in a row. They had lost to _Dynamite Girls_ their first year and then to _A-Rise_ for the following two years after that but that did not stop them.

Each girl possessed an indomitable will which superseded the limitations of their flesh. They were desperate to show the world what they were truly capable of, to show that they too could inspire the hearts of their fans and to relieve them of the burdens of existence even if it were only a few minutes.

That was what it all came down to.

An entire year of sweat, blood and tears all to be determined in this competition where a lifetime of dreams could collapse in as little as five minutes.

So when _Nico Nico Constellation_ started their performance Honoka could not help but stare mesmerized at the screen.

 _What does it take to find our dreams?_

 _I wonder as I stretch my arms towards tomorrow_

 _Desperate to know why we still try._

 _There is nothing that can fix the past_

 _Except for our dreams of the future._

 _Love and hate is what we all feel_

 _Like life is trying to beat us down._

 _So I bear my heart to you_

 _Holding it in my hands_

 _Still beating_

 _Will you take it?_

 _I know I'm not perfect_

 _And that it may all be foolish_

 _But we can still dream can we?_

 _Join us in our song of wonder!_

 _Dreams are worth fighting for!_

 _We're here to show you_

 _That nothing is impossible!_

 _We are fighting dreamers!_

The end of the performance was marked by an explosion of fireworks coloring the sky like cosmic nebula, a brief reflection of Heaven itself. Each member of _Nico Nico Constellation_ were panting and sweating but still as vibrant as when they started. The crowd in attendance had gone crazy in their adulation of the performance.

They were moved.

Honoka was moved.

She sat there with tears streaming down her eyes as she realized the extent of her folly. The performance had been sublime, far beyond anything she believed her former classmates were capable of and yet here they were on the grand stage and considered one of the best Idol groups in the country.

The event was finalized as the winners of the competition were announced. Once again _A-Rise_ had won the competition though the margin was very narrow this time between them and _Nico Nico Constellation._

Tsubasa Kira was interviewed at the end of the event and she had nothing but good things to say about _Nico Nico Constellation_ and acknowledged them as a worthy rival.

Nico was then interviewed and though she was crying, like the rest of her group, she still managed to summon her courage and smile at the face of adversity.

"We are never going to give up! We are going to prove that we are the best no matter what! All this does is make me want to work harder because dreams are worth fighting for and I'll keep fighting until I can fight no more! We'll be back next year and I promise our fans that we will win!"

It was at this point that all the pent up anger and regret within Honoka erupted like a geyser from within her. Screaming loudly she slammed her fist at a nearby wall and broke the sheetrock making a large, gaping hole.

Footsteps could be heard as Honoka's mother ran upstairs and rapped harshly at the door.

"Honoka! You have been locked up for over two days without coming down to eat! Open this door right now!"

Honoka ignored her mother and the incessant knocking at the door. Instead she crawled back into bed as she nursed her bruised hand.

She was a failure, a college drop out with no goals or aspirations. Due to the recession they were forced to close down Homura Sweets with her father having to take a dangerous job fishing out in the Pacific where he was gone for weeks at a time.

Honoka knew that her father adored her and let her stay home without anger or complaint. However her mother was not so patient and constantly nagged at Honoka to either get back to school or get to work.

But what was the point in working? Would she consign herself to indentured servitude where she was expected to put in seventy, eighty, even ninety hours a week working and for what? Money? Status? Fame?

None of that was important to Honoka. All she wanted to do was dance and sing and inspire everyone who saw her.

But she gave up on that dream long ago.

If she was willing to give up on something so precious who was to say that she wouldn't give up working in a job she hated?

Honoka knew that she would give up in the end and disappoint her parents even further so she didn't even try now.

She was a sad statistic, a _hikikomori_ that did nothing but wallow in a piss pit full of anger and regret. She was given the chance to shine like Nico and the rest of _Nico Nico Constellation_ but instead she flaked out at the first moment of adversity.

Honoka curled up in fetal position as she started to cry even more now. She was so fucking worthless! Even Yukiho, her little sister, was out and about working a part time job and going to the local prep school and trying every year to get into Tokyo University. Yukiho had even moved out of home and was living together with Alisa in a small flat in the city where they shared their living expenses.

Everyone who had once been a part of _Muse_ had gone their separate ways. They had all grown up and were following their own dreams and aspirations. As Honoka thought of this she started to feel a black hatred and envy towards her former idol peers. They had abandoned her in their own selfish pursuits. It was she who had gotten them together, it was HER idea to form an idol group and yet, for one mistake she made, she was abandoned like a deformed infant.

There was no point in this sordid, miserable life anymore. If she was to continue living like this then she might as well opt out.

Ruffling through her drawers she extracted an orange prescription bottle of anti-depressant pills. The pills did nothing to curtail her anger, regret or depression, only get her high as fuck, which, sadly, had become a habit. She had grown addicted to the pills, though her parents were unaware, and used their side-effects to her advantage. She had watched many an Idol competition high out of her mind because it was the only way she could even _feel_ like she was escaping even if it was for a little while.

However getting high was no longer enough. All she wanted was out.

Taking the prescription bottle she opened it and found about thirty tablets all of which looked like harmless breath mints. She took a deep breath as she steeled her courage.

 _It's finally going to be over._

Just as Honoka was about to devour the pills and insure her self-destruction her phone started to vibrate loudly. Honoka picked up the phone and was going to throw it out of the window when she saw who it was that was calling her.

 _Umi…._

Honoka did not answer the phone but instead just let it continue to ring until it stopped. It was then that there was another vibration as the phone lit up with a text message.

 _Honoka I want to talk to you. Please call me back._

The bottle of pills fell to the ground as they dispersed all over the ground on impact. Honoka stared at the phone and then threw it across the room as she started to scream.

* * *

Author's Note: This is the first chapter of a very short story (probably going to be less than 10K words) that I wanted to write as an AU of the original series. I know that this is very depressing (I always said that depressed Honoka is best Honoka lmao) but it should lighten up towards the end…hopefully lol. Let me know what you all think!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own _Love Live School Idol Project_ nor do I profit from the writing of this story.

Author's Note: Many thanks to all those who took the time to read the first chapter of this story. It was received far better than I expected to be honest. Anyway with that in mind here is the second chapter. Enjoy.

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Honoka was irritated.

She did not know why she bothered to come to this tea shop in the middle of Akihabara. It had been a year since she went outside her house and she felt like unseen eyes were scrutinizing her. She swallowed a lump that formed in her throat and tried to shake off her incoming fright.

The irony was not lost on Honoka.

There was a time when she could perform in front of gigantic crowds with no hesitation. Her voice would carry itself keen and clear through the rabble of the crowd so that they would be subdued and then awed at the spectacle of her passion and joy.

It was an awesome power that she had once wielded and with it she could inspire the hearts of all those who chose to listen to her.

Now she was a hollow shell of her former self, a waste of space that now cowered at the face of adversity.

She also had decayed physically.

At one time she had weighed roughly one hundred and ten pounds and most of that in lean muscle from the harsh training she endured as an Idol. Now she was down to a paltry ninety pounds. Her strength and muscles wasted away leaving a dilapidated frame that looked like it was falling apart.

Her hair was long, matted and smelly from weeks of not washing and her eyes possessed the dark side of Saturn's rings.

Honoka wondered if anybody within the crowd were making fun of her right now. She felt like a zoo animal.

She then thought about Umi and what she had done with her life.

Umi had always been astute in her school work and never faltered in her obligations to both herself and family. She was the model student and proved it by becoming the school president on their final year in high school.

Since they graduated they had lost contact with one another.

Honoka was sure that Umi had become a success like Kotori. She suddenly felt an extreme jealousy towards both Kotori and Umi. Why did they get to be so pretty, smart and successful? Why were Nico and the others allowed to follow their dreams and aspirations?

She was like a bull stuck in a pit of mud. Filthy, disgusting, and unwanted.

Honoka looked at her cell phone and checked the time. It was a quarter to eight and the sky was already beginning to darken.

When was the last time she had stayed out in public this long? Honoka couldn't remember but all she wanted was out. The crowd hid it well but she knew they were whispering horrid things about her.

The bell to the tea shop rang as a new customer entered. Honoka looked up instinctively and her heart skipped a beat.

It was Umi!

Whatever wicked feelings Honoka harbored toward Umi disappeared as she felt genuine _joy_ of seeing her best friend again after five years. She stood up and waved Umi down.

The blunette caught sight of Honoka and made her way to her.

Honoka nearly dashed toward Umi and hugged her desperately. Umi pressed Honoka to her breast as she started to glide her hand through her hair.

At this proximity Umi knew that something was very wrong with Honoka. For one she reeked of body odor and her hair felt like a matted mop against Umi's fingers.

She felt Honoka's hot breath as she sobbed softly onto her breast. It was like a sewer draught.

However what concerned Umi the most was how thin Honoka felt against her own body. Umi could feel her scapula protrude like a grotesque pair of bony wings.

Umi continued to descend eventually getting to Honoka's waist. Here she gently prodded and was dismayed to feel Honoka's ribs jab sharply against her fingers.

 _What's happened to you Honoka?_

Umi guided Honoka back to her seat before taking her own.

Umi waved down a waitress to take their order of green tea before focusing her attention back to Honoka. Her friend was still crying.

"I was hoping that you would be happy to see me. I didn't mean to make you cry Honoka." said Umi sadly.

Honoka shook her head.

"I told myself that I would scream at you the moment I saw you. Yet here you are and I can't help but start crying. Why am I so happy to see you when you have abandoned me all these years? I don't understand it!"

Umi frowned when she heard this.

"Why do you say that Honoka? Are you angry at me?"

"Honestly Umi you go without talking to me for five years and then you have the audacity to ask why I would be upset with you?" muttered Honoka darkly.

This statement hit Umi like a truck. She immediately started to scramble and refute Honoka's outrageous claim that they hadn't spoken to one another for five years. Yet no matter what Umi did she could not remember one time she had interacted with Honoka after she had quit _Muse._

"Has it really been five years since we last talked to one another?"

"I can understand why Nico hated me when I quit _Muse_. I can understand why Maki, Rin and Hanayo avoided me, for Kotori leaving for fashion design and Eli going back to Russia along with Nozomi. Yet the one person I couldn't understand was you Umi."

The waitress came back with their drinks. Each girl took their tea and sipped in morose silence. Every word Honoka spoke about echoed into Umi's head like the void within the Marabar.

"I stopped talking to you because I knew that you weren't being true to yourself. At least that was what I thought. I wholeheartedly believed that you were going to come around and get over your self-pity and join _Muse_ once again. But you never did."

A geyser of fury erupted from Honoka as she slammed both her hands down on the table rattling the cups and utensils.

"Oh so did I disappoint you then Umi? You probably thought back then that I was simply going to shape up and find some sort of 'inner strength' and overcome the situation with Kotori. Well guess what Umi? I wasn't as strong as you thought I was. I didn't have the strength in me to go back to _Muse_."

It was then that Honoka began to tear up again. She clenched her tea cup so hard that Umi was afraid that Honoka was going to break it into pieces.

"And now I don't have the strength for anything."

It was Umi's turn to get upset as she rose up from her chair and stared icily toward Honoka.

"What do you want me to do about it then Honoka? I know I messed up by leaving you behind. But you know what? It is YOU who is responsible for your own misery. I don't know what has happened the past five years but the Honoka I used to know wouldn't have let herself become so pathetic."

Honoka felt a hammer cave her chest in as her eyes. She felt like a fish gasping desperately for air. Her knees turned to jelly as she slumped back onto her seat.

"You're right Umi. I am pathetic. Always have and always will be. You always did a great job of reminding me of my inferiority even when we were in high school. I'm sorry I can't keep up with your intelligence or that I can't match Kotori's artistic talent. Even as a school idol I was nothing more than an amateur, a false idol like those statues that we pray to. If you wanted to hurt me then you did a fantastic job Umi. Congratulations. Can I go now? Or do you want to keep inflating your swollen ego at my expense?"

Umi hung her head down low as she realized that she had gone too far.

"It was never my intention to hurt you Honoka." said Umi regretfully.

"And it was never my intention to become a failure."

With that Honoka rose up from her chair, dug into her pockets and drew some crumpled yen bills to leave on the table for her drink, and left the tea shop.

Umi sat there without trying to stop Honoka. She felt guilty and powerless.

 _What am I supposed to do? Is this how our friendship is going to end?_

It was then that a memory flashed before Umi's eyes. It was of when she, Honoka and Kotori had gone to a shrine to pray for success for their first ever Idol concert.

The memory was so vivid that Umi could even remember that Venus had shone brightly that night, as if the Goddess of Love was giving them her blessing. They had held hands with one another as they realized that they were on a journey to make their dreams come true.

Umi realized that she had never felt more hopeful and happy than that day.

Now she worked as a salary woman for Nakamoto Corporation, putting in at least sixty hours a week with mandatory overtime. She was making a great salary and was living in a company dorm which was elegantly furnished and paid for. Umi had over two years worth of salary in her savings. In fact she was doing so well at her company that her boss, Yamamoto Ishiguro, recommended her for management at their Los Angeles branch in the United States.

By society's standards Umi was a wonderful success, a living example of how hard work and dedication pays off.

However Umi was miserable.

It was all a monotonous grind. Her life literally consisted of waking up before dawn to get to work and then working until well into the night. She was lucky if she got four hours of sleep.

Where was the optimism and joy she had once felt waking up every morning? Back in high school every day felt like an adventure but now, as a working class adult, she felt like a slave.

With each passing moment Umi felt a growing sense of dread. Her instincts were screaming at her to get back to Honoka before it was too late.

But what could she say to Honoka to bring her friend back from the brink?

"The Love Live Pro Tour would like thank all those watching the finals yesterday evening. The event generated record numbers in viewers and was far more successful than we could have imagined. As such we are already working on another Love Live Pro Tour event. We will be conducting prefecture competitions starting three months from now! Get out there and show us what you got!"

Umi's eyes widened as she saw the advert on cafe television. A crazy idea popped into her head one which she never even considered until just now. Umi suddenly dashed out of the restaurant to find Honoka.

She knew that her idea was ludicrous, maybe even impossible but that did not stop Umi from desperately seeking her best friend to share in her revelation.

Umi soon reached the subway where Honoka was sitting on a bench staring listlessly at the crowd of people around her. She placed herself before Honoka causing the young woman to snap out of her daze and glare angrily at her.

"What do you want Umi!"

"I know that what I'm about to say is going to be crazy but please just listen to me Honoka. The next Love Live Pro Tour begins in three months. We should enter and give it a shot."

Honoka took a sharp breath as she stared at Umi in disbelief. Her expression then morphed to anger as she shoved Umi roughly aside.

"No! No way! I'm NOT going to try to be an Idol again. It was a stupid idea, the stupidest one I have ever had."

"It wasn't stupid Honoka! We became Idols because we wanted to save our school from closing down. And guess what? We did! The school has so many applicants now that they are expanding it to accommodate the students entering. If it wasn't for you the school would be closed now."

"So what? We're not in high school anymore Umi so none of that matters to me now." replied Honoka hotly.

"Did you know that _Otonokizaka Academy_ is one of the few schools in the Akiba area that offers financial aid to low income students? Not everybody here can afford to go to a school like _UTX_. Because of your idea to form a school idol group the academy has managed to stay open and offer high quality schooling to students who wouldn't otherwise afford it. You literally have given affordable schooling to thousands of students Honoka!"

"And don't even get me started on job retention. All those teachers and coaches would be out of work right now had you not saved the school Honoka! In today's recession it would have been very difficult for them to find work in other schools. Can you imagine how much they and their families would suffer had the school closed? So don't tell me that your idea didn't matter because it did!"

Honoka's body was trembling as she tears were streaming down her face. Umi's expression softened as she gingerly took Honoka in and hugged her.

"You're a wonderful person Honoka and to see you in a state of self-deprecation hurts me. I feel disgusted at myself for abandoning you when you needed me most! Please Honoka forgive me and give me another chance."

With that Umi bowed down low to Honoka.

"I-I forgive you Umi."

"Honoka…."

"I'm not the same person I used to be Umi. I'm defeated and broken. I take pills every day to get high. I have horrible bouts of anxiety and suffer from panic attacks. I have even cut myself. Are you still willing to be my friend again Umi despite all this?"

Umi looked into Honoka's eyes and saw just how defeated and lifeless they were and yet, deep within, there was still a small glint of the old Honoka.

"You're always going to be my friend Honoka no matter what."

"How ironic that you're the optimistic, naive one here. How the roles have reversed. You really have no idea what you're getting into Umi."

Umi responded by taking Honoka by the hand and holding it with her own. This caused Honoka to blush lightly as Umi pressed forward so that their faces were only inches from one another.

"You have always given me problems Honoka. It didn't stop me before it won't stop me now!"

With that Umi stood up. She reached her hand out and offered it to Honoka.

"I'm ready to make my dreams come true. I want to go back on that stage! I want to sing and dance like we used to and inspire others to chase their dreams. Do you want to join me Honoka?"

Honoka cast her head down solemnly as her body trembled.

"I-I want to do it Umi. I want to...with all my heart. I-I-I…."

It was then that Honoka rose from her prone position and placed her hands to her mouth as she shouted at the top of her lungs.

"I WANT TO BECOME AN IDOL!"

The crowd looked over at Honoka like she was crazy but she didn't care.

Honoka stood like a proud king. There was a confident grin on her face and her eyes, which had been listless before, now burned with renewed vigor. She turned to Umi who was smiling through her tears.

"When do we start practice?"

* * *

Author's Note: Oh snap Honoka is ready to put in some work now! Anyway let me know what you all think. Thank you for reading and hope you all enjoyed.


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